


30 Percent Chance

by soclosetonight



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Gen, Possibly pre-slash if you're into that kinda thing, Sick Jared, Supportive Jensen, lots and lots of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 11:52:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5966446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soclosetonight/pseuds/soclosetonight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has just been diagnosed with cancer and suddenly he and Jensen are swept up in a whirlwind neither of them are prepared for. It brings out their deepest fears and insecurities, and it's only a matter of time before they both reach their breaking point. With the media ruthlessly reporting their every move, only one question hangs in the air: can they make it through this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stage I

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of [this prompt (number 10)](http://imogensbunnies.m.webs.com/site/mobile?dm_path=%2Fj2bunnies.htm&fw_sig_premium=0&fw_sig_is_admin=0&fw_sig_api_key=522b0eedffc137c934fc7268582d53a1&fw_sig_social=1&fw_sig_site=51220544&fw_sig_time=1434651150674&fw_sig_permissions=none&fw_sig_access_t#0300) that I came across while reading [Deadly Secret](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4159407) by KaitlynMaurine. This is my take on it. Hope you all enjoy!

Jensen never thought it would happen like this. He never thought he’d be back on the oncology floor, back holding someone up as they vomited, back watching them as their weight dropped and their clothes stopped fitting and their hair started falling out. But here he is, about to experience it all for a second time. 

When Jared’s long asleep, he cries. He cries and he pleads and he begs God, and in the morning he drags himself out of bed and puts a smile on his face and makes Jared a cup of coffee and tells him that they’re going to get through this.

They’re going to get through this because they have to. They don’t have any other choice.

\---

**3 weeks earlier**

Jared wakes up shaking in a pool of sweat. He's completely drenched and his sheets are absolutely soaked. This is the fourth time this week.

He should get up, change the sheets, change out of his soiled clothes, but he's so tired just the thought of getting up feels impossible at the moment. Instead, he rolls over with a groan, pulls the covers over his head, and goes back to sleep.

He ends up sleeping through the most of the next day. Luckily it's a rare day off for him during their shooting schedule. Jensen still had to report to set bright and early, and Jared is grateful to have the house all to himself. By the time he drags himself out of bed, it's nearly six o'clock in the evening. 

He forces himself to drink a cup of water and grabs a granola bar from the pantry. On his way back to his room, he stops by the thermostat and sets it down to 60 in hopes that he won't wake up in a pool of his own sweat again.

He feels like he's just laid down when he finds himself being shaken awake. He opens his eyes to see Jensen, still covered in dirt and grime from set, standing over him.

Jensen's got that fatherly look on his face that he gets when he's concerned about something. "You look like shit," he says.

Jared can't say he's surprised. Even after sleeping all day he still feels completely exhausted. "Think I'm coming down with somethin," he mumbles.

Jensen feels his forehead. "You feel warm," he says. "Did you take anything?"

"No," Jared says, fumbling for his phone on the nightstand to check the time. It's 11:00. If he goes back to sleep now, he can still get six good hours in before he's got to get up and get ready. 

"I think we have something in the medicine cabinet. Let me go check."

"Thanks," Jared says, already half asleep.

When Jensen comes back in, Jared is already knocked out so he sets two pills and a cup of water on the night stand for him to take when he wakes up.

\---

5:00 am comes way too soon. Jared emerges from his bedroom to see Jensen standing in the hall, hair disheveled and wearing sweats, two long sleeve T-shirts, and a beanie. He's staring at the thermostat with a confused look on his face.

"Mornin," Jared says as he passes him on the way to the kitchen. If he has any chance of getting through filming today, he needs coffee stat.

“Sixty. Degrees,” is all Jensen says in response, still staring at the temperature. "Why the hell is this set to sixty? I'm freezing my balls off."

“Sorry,” Jared says, turning the coffee pot on. 

Jensen cranks up the temperature to seventy-two and sighs with relief as the heat clicks on and starts blowing warm air through the vents.

"I've just been getting so sweaty at night. Thought turning down the heat might help."

Jensen looks at him. "Maybe you've been sweating out your fever. Feeling any better?"

"Kinda," Jared lies. In reality he still feels just as shitty as he has the last few days, but they're gearing up for the season finale and people are counting on him to deliver. He doesn't have time for sick days.

"You sure?" Jensen gives him a once over.

"Mmhmm." Jared goes for nonchalant but he's so tired it just sounds like more of a groan.

Looking back, the night sweats and fatigue were the first sign.

\--- 

Sign number two comes in the form of shortness of breath. 

On the sixth day straight of filming, Jared feels like he's going to pass out after making the short walk from set to his trailer. He feels like he's just run a marathon, his mind and body sluggish and tired. He manages to push past the spots he starts seeing dance in the air and make it up the steps of his trailer before he all but falls onto the couch. He lays there for 20 minutes before he feels like he can breathe normally again, the spots fading and his vision clearing.

In the end he just chalks it up to overdoing it. He's still been feeling under the weather, and as soon as he's over this bug he's sure he'll be back to feeling like his old self again. He's just managed to push himself into a sitting position when Jensen comes bouncing in. "Dude, they've got barbecue for lunch today," he announces. You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the boy.

"Think I'll pass."

Jensen looks at Jared like he just grew another head. "Jared Padalecki turning down barbecue? Never thought I'd see the day."

Jared chuckles. He's got a point. He never turns down barbecue.

"Still not feeling well, huh?" Jensen asks, giving him a once over. Gaunt cheeks, pale and clammy skin, and has he lost weight?  

"Stop looking looking at me like that," Jared says. "It's not big deal. Just a little tired.” 

"You were 'just a little tired' a week ago," Jensen shoots back, air quotes and all. "Seriously, maybe it's time to go get checked out."

"I will. As soon as we wrap," Jared says just as a production assistant comes to summon them. 

"Uh huh," Jensen says as they start heading back to set. Jared only makes it a few steps before he's stopping short. He feels like he can't breath again and the spots are back. He closes his eyes, does his best to get a chest full of air but he isn't having much success. He pants, then sways.  

Shit. He's going to pass out. 

"Jensen…" he manages to wheeze out before his knees are buckling at it all goes black.

There is no sign number three.

\---

Jared has never passed out before in his life, and coming to is a strange feeling. Everything seems muted.

The first thing he feels is a stinging in his arm. He shifts his position and the first thing he registers is the unfamiliarity of the bed he’s in. The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is a dark room that’s not his and the first thing he hears is Jensen’s quiet voice.

“Hey no don’t touch that. It’s your IV. Leave it in.”

Everything is still fuzzy, and Jared squints in the darkness as it all slowly start to come back—filming, the shortness of breath, passing out on set.

“Stings,” Jared says, looking down at the line in his arm..

“Sorry man, but it’s got to stay in. I can get the nurse if—" 

“No. No it’s fine.” Jared’s throat is dry. He wonders how long he’s been here. “What’s going on?”

“You passed out. And you weren't getting enough air,” Jensen says. “They're holding you to run some tests, see what's been up with you. You had a fever of 104 when you came in. Gave us all a pretty good scare.”

Jared closes his eyes. He can't believe he actually passed out on set in front of everyone. “God I hope this doesn't end up in the papers.”

“That should be the least of your worries, dude.” Jensen bites his lip, brow furrowed.

Jared knows that look. “What are you not telling me?” he asks, trying to sit up. That probably wasn't the best idea, because the movement makes his head start to pound.

“Hey not so fast.” Jensen puts a hand on Jared’s chest. “Relax.” The reality is Jensen doesn't know much more than Jared does about what's going on with his health, but he's just got this gut feeling that this is a lot more serious than any of them are ready for. But there's nothing they can do about any of this now but sit and wait for the doctors to tell them what's going on. "Just try and get some rest."

“Yeah,” Jared says, feeling the fatigue consume him all over again. “Okay.” He closes his eyes and sleeps.

\---

When Jared opens his eyes again, sunlight is flooding into the room. He looks around and sees Jensen sitting in the small lounge chair next to his bed, watching day time television.

“Hey,” Jared says quietly. “You been here all night?”

“Yeah.” Jensen stretches, then yawns. “Someone has to look after your ugly mug. You've been out for almost 24 hours straight,” he says, glancing down at his watch.

Jared does a quick self assessment and tries sitting up again, thankful that his head doesn't start to pound this time. “I feel a lot better. When can I get out of here?”

“I don’t know. Doctors should be here any time now with your test results.” Jensen says, glancing at the door. Right on cue there’s a knock and the doctor comes in with a few med students trailing behind her.

“Speak of the devil,” Jared says, turning his attention towards the door. 

“I’ve been called worse,” the doctor says with a warm smile as she extends out her hand. “I’m Dr. Miller. And these are a few of my residents.” She gestures to the young faces behind her.

“Nice to meet you,” Jared says as he shakes her hand. “So, am I all good to go? I’m feeling much better.”

“That’s what we’re here to discuss,” Dr. Miller says. “While the lightheadedness and fatigue that you've experiencing are cause for concern, they can be symptoms of a number of things. Unfortunately, you’ve tested negative for any kind of infection.”

“Wait what do you mean?” Jared cuts in. There’s something about her tone that’s got him feeling on edge. “That should be good news, right? It means there’s nothing wrong.”

“Hey,” Jensen says, standing up and putting a hand on Jared’s shoulder. Jared knows it’s meant to be reassuring, but he can feel the edginess in Jensen as well. “Let’s let her finish, yeah?” 

“When everything came back clear for infection, we completed a CBC,” Dr. Miller continues. “That’s where we take a blood sample so we can check your cell count. Yours are showing that your red blood cells are extremely low, which is most likely what caused you to become lightheaded. Your white blood cell count was also abnormally high. Now usually your white cells increase when you’re fighting off an infection, but we’ve already ruled that out as the cause here.”

Jared can feel his heart begin to race and without realizing it he finds himself gripping Jensen’s hand as it rests on his shoulder.

“Jared, I’m very sorry, but we’re most likely looking at some form of lymphoma,” Dr. Miller says, and Jared feels like all the air has been sucked out of his lungs.

“No. No, that can’t be right. I’m fine,” Jared manages to say. “There’s got to be some kind of mistake.”

“I wish that were the case, Jared, but I can’t say that it is. Lymphoma can be a very treatable cancer—”

“But I feel fine,” Jared says again, then turns to Jensen desperately. “Jensen, I feel fine.” His eyes are pleading and his heart is pounding and he needs Jensen to believe him. “I’m not sick. I’m okay.”

“I know,” Jensen says, leaning in and resting his chin on Jared’s head. “You’re okay.” He closes his eyes, braces himself for the rest of the bad news the doctor is about to give them. Instead, Dr. Miller looks at Jensen and says, “Mr. Ackles, maybe we should speak outside for a moment?”

Jensen squeezes Jared’s shoulder. “We’ll figure this out, Jared. Just give us a minute alright? I’ll be right back.”

Outside of Jared’s hospital room, Jensen finds himself hearing words he never thought in a million years he’d be hearing again.

“I need you to understand the gravity of this situation,” Dr. Miller continues. “Jared is very sick. We won’t know just how sick he is until all of the tests are complete, but he’s showing symptoms of the more advanced stages of the disease. The fatigue, shortness of breath, night sweats, and fever are all signs that it has most likely spread.”

Jensen closes his eyes. “So what do we do now?” he asks. “What are our options?”

“First we need to diagnose just how far his cancer has progressed. The next few days are going to be full of scans and most likely a biopsy. From there we can determine the areas of his body that have been affected by the cancer and determine a course of treatment.”

Jensen can feel his shoulders slumping. “Okay,” he says, taking in a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Is there anyone you’d like us to call?” Dr. Miller asks.

“No,” Jensen replies. “I’ll take care of it.” Jensen mind flashes back to when he’d gotten the call from his brother about his mom being diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the one of the worst days of his life, and now he’s going to be the one delivering the worst news any parent could hear to Jared’s family. “When can he go home?”

“Unfortunately right now that’s not a possibility. He’s still running a fever and his blood counts are too low for us to safely release him.” Dr. Miller reaches out and places a hand on Jensen’s arm. “Mr. Ackles—”

“Jensen. You can call me Jensen.”

“Jensen, there’s a very long road ahead for Jared here,” she continues. “Are you sure there’s no one you’d like us to call?”

“I’m sure. It’s better it comes from me.” 

Dr. Miller nods. “Okay.” She drops her arm and glances down at the clipboard in her hand. “We’ll start getting his scans scheduled and then see where we go from here.”

\--- 

One week later and they’ve got a complete diagnosis: Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Stage IV B. Not only did Jared have cancer, but it had already spread throughout his body. It was in his chest and bone marrow. They gave him a 30% chance. 

Jared sits on the edge of his hospital bed, hand absentmindedly running over the bandage covering the small incision below his color bone. They’ve put a port in his chest so that they can use it to administer the chemo. Thankfully he’s finally out of the hideous hospital gown and into his own clothes, but it doesn’t give him the sense of comfort he thought it would.

“Hey, all ready to go?” Jensen says as he walks into the room with a big smile on his face. After spending all day in a cramped hospital bed for the last week, they’re both ready for some fresh air and chance of scenery. The doctors are giving Jared a few days at home before he starts his first round of chemo, and while he knows he’s going to be back here in 72 hours, he’s grateful that they’re giving him at least a few more days before he becomes Jared the Chemo Patient.

“Damn right,” Jared says. He’s still feeling tired, but he wasn’t lying when he told the doctor that he was feeling better. Whatever they’d given him in his IV helped ease the discomfort of the disease that’s taken over his body.

A nurse knocks on the doorframe behind Jensen. “Okay Mr. Padalecki, all the paperwork is set so it looks like you’re free to go. Your wheelchair is—”

“No wheelchair,” Jared says firmly. “I can walk.” 

“Oh, uh, right,” the nurse says awkwardly. “Oncology is expecting you on Wednesday for your chemo appointment, so we’ll see you in a few days.”

“Thanks,” Jensen says warmly. “We’ll be there.” The nurse smiles and leaves, and Jensen turns back to Jared. “How about we get the fuck out of here?”

“Sounds like music to my ears,” Jared says. “One more minute in this shitty place eating its shitty food and I’m going to go crazy.”

“Yeah, well we don’t want that now do we. Want to go grab a bite at Hut’s Hamburgers?”

Jared stands slowly, closes his eyes until the spots in the air fade and he feels stable enough to start walking. “I say that’s they best idea you’ve ever had,” he says, managing a grin. It’s the first time Jensen’s really seen him look like his old self since the word cancer came into their lives ~~again~~.

They make their way to the elevators and down to the ground floor. They’re both so excited to be off that floor that they don’t even realize the whirlwind waiting for them outside until they’re stepping out the sliding glass doors of the hospital and by then it’s too late.

The first camera snap is blinding, and Jared immediately recoils, arms instinctively going up in front of his face. Suddenly paparazzi are coming from all directions, cameras snapping and voice recorders waving in the air.

“Jared! Over here! Jared!”

“Why are you in the hospital?”

“Is it true that you collapsed on set?”

“Jensen! Give us a look over here!”

“Can you tell us what happened? Jensen!”

Shocked at the sudden onslaught, Jensen quickly grabs Jared and starts to push through the sea of people towards the cab just a few meters away.

“Out of the way! Move!” he shouts angrily, because Jared’s looking pale all of the sudden and if these idiots cause him to pass out again before they’ve even left this fucking place there will be hell to pay. At one point he grabs someone’s camera and smashes it on the ground, and after what feels like an eternity, they finally reach the cab and hurry inside, door slamming behind them.

“Shit, Jared, you okay? I’m sorry man.” He braves a glance toward the window. “Someone must have leaked it to the media. I thought we were in the clear.”

Jared just closes his eyes, sinks down in the seat and rests his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “Let’s just go home.”

“Yeah," Jensen says. "Yeah, let’s go home.”


	2. Stage II

Three days later and they’re right back at the hospital. Jared has just been hooked up to his first bag of chemo and now the waiting begins. He’s in a room filled with other cancer patients, and he can’t help but notice the similarity in all of their looks—thin frames, pale skin, bald heads covered with caps and scarves. _That’s going to be me soon,_ he thinks.

“Hey,” Jensen says, breaking him from his train of thought. “Want to watch a movie? That always helped take my mom’s mind off of the pain when she had her treatments.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jared says, mind somewhere else. He can already feel the drugs in his system, can taste them in his mouth. He has 12 months of this ahead of him. He closes his eyes and manages to fall asleep for a bit.

When he wakes up, it feels like his whole body is on fire.

“Jensen,” he says, siting upright abruptly.

Jensen, who had been absentmindedly watching the action flick they put on a couple hours ago, is immediately alert.

“Jensen,” Jared says again. His skin is flushed and he’s way too hot all of the sudden.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I don’t—It burns.” Jared’s hands are grabbing at his chest and Jensen grabs him quickly to keep him from pulling the line out of his port.

“Hey, calm down. You’re okay,” Jensen says calmly, motioning a nurse over with his free hand.

“It fucking hurts.”

The nurse makes it over to Jared’s chair and takes a quick look at his monitor. “Hey Jared. How we doing?”

“Been better.” Jared’s eyes turn to her. “I can’t—I’m in a lot of pain,” he says, forcing himself to take a deep breath.

“Can you give him something?” Jensen asks. “To take the edge off. He said it burns.”

The nurse looks back over Jared’s monitor. “Everything looks good, Jared. You’re doing great. That burning feeling is completely normal. Would you like something to help with the pain?”

Jared grits his teeth and nods.

“Okay, give me one minute. I’ll be right back.”

The morphine she gives him helps keep the pain from the chemicals invading his system at a manageable level, but it doesn’t do much to stop the nausea. They say some people don’t feel symptoms until up to a week after treatment, but Jared wasn’t so lucky. He spent the next four hours puking up everything he’s ever eaten in his entire life while Jensen sat right there beside him, holding back his hair and passing him ice chips. After 4 hours of complete hell, the bag of chemo is finally empty and he can go home.

Jared manages to make it home without incident in the car, but as soon as Jensen gets the door open he’s running to the bathroom. Jensen sighs, closes the door behind them before resting his head on the frame. If it was only the first day and Jared was already this bad, how were they going to get through the next year?

\---

“Hey, Mrs. Padalecki,” Jensen says quietly. Jared has finally managed to fall asleep and he doesn’t want to wake him.

“Jensen,” she says, relief flooding her voice. “It’s so good to hear from you. How’s he doing?”

Jensen rubs his eyes. “Uh he’s had a rough day. The chemo is really hitting him hard.”

“My poor boy,” she says, devastation in her voice. Jensen knows how much she wishes she could be here right now, but Jared had been adamant when he said that he didn’t want her to come. _It’s no big deal_ , he’d said. _I’ll be back on my feet in no time._

“I’d let you speak to him but he’s just fallen asleep,” Jensen says, hoping it would give her some comfort.

“Oh good. That’s good. He’ll need all the rest he can get,” she says and is quiet for a moment. “Thank you for looking after him. It means the world to us.”

“Of course. He’d do the same if it was me.”

“And you’ll tell us, right? If he gets worse, you’ll tell us?”

Jensen swallows. “Yes ma’am. I will.”

\---

Jared is back on set a week later. Despite all of Jensen’s attempts to get him to stay home, Jared insists on getting back to “normal” and normal for them means reporting to set before the sun has come up for a 12 hour day of filming. And to Jared’s credit, he sticks it out the entire day. Thankfully they’d already filmed the bulk of the fight scenes before Jared got sick, so most of what they had left to film was dialogue.

Jared looks almost like his old self. He’s smiling and laughing and goofing around with the crew like he always does. If Jensen didn’t know any better, he’d say Jared looked like he was better. If only…

Jared insists that he’s fine, and keeps up the brutal pace of filming through the end of the week. Jared’s diagnosis and treatment had put production weeks behind, and getting back on schedule has put everyone at ease. Now it’s the day of the wrap party, their final gig of the season, and Jensen is sitting on the couch, procrastinating putting on the suit the network had picked out for him to wear.

“You sure you want to go? No one blames you if you need a day off.”

“We’re going,” Jared says, coming out of the bathroom with hair gel and comb in hand.

“Okay well what if _I_ don’t want to go. Then will you stay home with me?” Jensen tries.

“Not a chance.”

“But there’s going to be producers and executives and photographers and we’ll have to smile and pose and put on a show,” Jensen whines.

“Still going. Now move your ass.”

Jensen lets out a dramatic sigh and begrudgingly grabs the suit laid out for him and heads towards his room to change. A few minutes later he emerges and heads out towards the bathroom to try and do something with his hair. When he walks in, he sees Jared frozen in front of the mirror, staring down at a clump of hair in his hands with an expression on his face Jensen can’t quite read.

“Damn it,” Jared says, shaking his head and quickly dropping the hair into the trash.

“It’s just hair,” Jensen reassures. “As soon as your treatments are done it’ll grow back more glorious than ever.”

“I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Hey,” Jensen says, taking a step closer and taking the comb from Jared’s hand. “What are you talking about? You’re not stupid.”

“Yeah, I am,” Jared sighs and shakes his head. “I just thought that if I went back to work and everything that maybe things didn’t have to change. But that was just stupid.”

“No one blames you for wanting things to stay normal,” Jensen says. “If it helps, no one can tell it’s falling out. It still looks fine.”

“Fuck it.” Jensen watches as Jared starts fumbling through the drawers, tossing all of their contents onto the bathroom counter before he finds what he's looking for. When he comes up with the clippers, he doesn't even hesitate before he starts dragging it over his scalp. 

They're both silent as they watch his signature locks fall to the ground.

\---

Jared's not sure what he expected the reaction to be when they pulled up at the party, but he wasn't quite prepared for the hush that fell over the sea of photographers when they see Jared’s newly bald head.

“We can still go home,” Jensen whispers so only he can hear.

“I’m fine,” Jared says, putting on his million-dollar smile for the cameras. The hush subsides and soon everyone is yelling like usual.

“You’d tell me if you weren’t?” Jensen asks.

“Of course.”

“Alright then.” Jensen puts on his camera-ready smile as well. “Let’s go inside.”

A few hours in and the night seems to be going on without a hitch. Jared is his usual talkative self and chatting up all the execs and reporters like he usually does. When they ask about his hair, he just makes some joke about having a Brittany moment and expertly avoids the question. Jensen thinks they might just pull it off.

They’re sitting in their assigned spots at the dinner table when things start to go south. Jared can feel his stomach starting to turn over in that all too familiar way it does before he gets sick. He takes a sip of his water, and holds his fist to his mouth as he forces it down in hopes it will suppress some of the nausea.

Jensen leans over. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jared says, sliding his chair back. “I just need to go to the bathroom. Be right back.” Jared stands quickly and walks as casually as he can manage out of the room. The second he hits the doors to the hallway he’s sprinting to the bathroom. He just makes it to the stall before he vomiting, eyes watering with the intensity of each heave of his stomach. It’s not until he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand that he sees the blood. He glances at the contents of the bowl to find it filled with deep red.

“Fuck.” He leans back against the bathroom stall and closes his eyes. His face feels wet and he’s not sure if it’s from tears or his nose running, doesn’t have time to figure it out before he’s back over the toilet again.

His stomach aches and his head is starting to pound but he grips the wall and tries to stand up because he needs to get back to the party. He needs to wash his face, rinse his mouth. He needs to get back out there before—

Jared loses his grip and the next thing he knows he’s back on the floor. He tells himself that he’s fine, even as he curls up and wraps his arms around his midsection. He’s _fine_. So what if he just got sick in the bathroom. People get sick all the time. It doesn’t mean anything. He’s fine he’s fine he’s fine.

He hears the door open and someone gasps, “Oh my god!”

“I’m fine,” Jared mumbles, and suddenly he feels so tired. “I’m okay.”

Moments later Jensen is bursting through the bathroom door. Nothing could have prepared him for the state Jared is in. He’s covered in blood. It’s coming out his nose and mouth and it’s all over the toilet next to him. Jared is incoherent, mumbling something that Jensen can’t quite make out.

“Jared, can you hear me?” He pulls Jared to a sitting position, which causes Jared’s head to spin and he’s vomiting again all over his expensive suit and he might be crying but he can’t tell.

“Jens…” he slurs. “I’m okay.”

“Yeah I know buddy.” Jensen uses one hand to hold Jared up and the other to grab some toilet paper and help clean off his face. He pauses and feels Jared’s forehead. He’s way too hot. “Jared, look at me. Look at me. We’ve got to go to the hospital.”

“No. No hospital.” Jared weakly tries to push Jensen away. “I’m fine.”

Jensen takes Jared’s head in his hands. “Jared, look at me. You’re burning up man and you’re vomiting blood. We have to go. Trust me.”

Jared can’t help but think that every time he goes to the hospital he could die there. But Jensen is here and he’s saying to trust him and everything hurts so much. He doesn’t protest when Jensen starts to lift him up off the floor. The last thing he remembers is Jensen lifting him completely up and into his arms and shouting something, and the rest is all black.

\---

SUPERNATURAL STAR COLLAPSES AT WRAP PARTY

PHOTOS SHOW STAR HAVING TO BE CARRIED OUT OF PARTY

ARE DRUGS TO BLAME FOR JARED PADALECKI’S MYSTERIOUS COLLAPSE

STAR SHAVES HEAD, SOURCES SAY HE HAS CANCER

Jensen sighs, trying to ignore the tabloids at the coffee stand just across the street from the hospital. He’d though getting out of the hospital for a moment would provide him some relief, but seeing all the popular gossip magazines showing him carrying Jared make his stomach turn.

“$3.50.”

“Huh?” Jensen says, shaken from his thoughts.

“Your coffee. It’s $3.50,” the woman says from behind the counter.

“Oh. Yeah. Right.” Jensen fishes in his pocket and slaps a 5-dollar bill on the counter before walking away. He feels like he’s in a trance. Just a few days ago Jared was doing great, and now they’re right back where they started, Jared lying unconscious in a hospital bed and doctors desperately trying to bring his fever down.

Jensen makes his way back to the hospital and into the waiting room on the oncology floor. They’ve placed Jared in an isolation room while they give him blood transfusions and try to determine the cause of his fever. All Jensen can do is sit and wait and pray for good news.

“Jensen?”

He looks up to see Dr. Miller standing in front of him.

“Hey.” Jensen jumps up. “How’s he doing?”

“Better. He lost a lot of blood but the transfusion has helped his counts level out. We found out that the fever is being caused by an infection so we’re giving him antibiotics to help fight it.”

“Infection? How did he get an infection?” Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose. “We were so careful. I scrubbed the whole house.”

Dr. Miller nods sympathetically. “I believe you. Unfortunately chemo suppresses the immune system. Jared’s ability to fight off even the slightest of bacteria is minimal.”

“Okay so what now? Does he have to stay in isolation?”

“For now, yes,” Dr. Miller says and Jensen closes his eyes. “If Jared’s going to get through his next few cycles of chemo, we can’t risk him picking up another infection.”

“Can I at least see him?”

“Of course,” Dr. Miller says. “Right this way.”

\---

In order to enter Jared’s room, Jensen has to scrub his hands and wear a mask, gown, and gloves. He looks ridiculous, but it doesn’t matter, as long as he gets to see Jared. Opening the door to his room feels surreal. He never thought he’d be here again, not after going through all of this with is mother once before. He feels an all too familiar anxiety begin to creep up as he takes in the sight of Jared before him. He’s pale, and all the weight he’s lost over the past few weeks shows now that he’s only wearing a thin hospital gown.

“Hey,” Jared says weakly.

Jensen’s eyes make his way back to Jared’s face and he forces a smile. “Hey,” he responds, walking over to his bed. “We gotta stop meeting like this.”

Jared smiles. “Nice getup.”

“Thanks,” Jensen chuckles. “So uh, looks like this will be your room for a while.” Jensen makes a sweeping motion to room. “It’s nice.”

“Could be worse.” Jared starts to cough, and Jensen sees him reach for the PCA pump at his side.

“They hooked you up with your own pain meds?”

“Yeah, check it out.” Jared raises the pump in his hand. “All I have to do is press this button and voilà.”

Jared falls asleep soon after that, so Jensen takes a seat on the small couch next to him. He’s only got about 20 minutes before visiting hours are over, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to leave Jared’s side now. He turns on the TV, making sure to keep the volume low, and puts it on Jared’s favorite station. When he leaves, he asks the nurses if they can leave it on for Jared so he’ll have something familiar there with him when he wakes up. They agree, and Jensen takes one last peak and Jared before slipping quietly out of the room.


	3. Stage III

Jared doesn’t leave the hospital for four weeks after that. He spends one more week in isolation as his infection clears up, then another week in ICU as his blood counts get high enough for his next round of chemo. After that, Dr. Miller felt it was best to keep Jared for in patient chemo this time, which made up for the last two weeks of his stay—one week for the chemo and one week to make sure he showed no signs of infection.

This round of chemo hits Jared harder than the first. Even after the doctors said he was well enough to go home, Jared still looked so fragile. His sweats hung off of him and he walked like his entire body ached. This time, they didn’t make the mistake of going through the front doors of the hospital, instead sneaking out unseen through one of the back exits.

Back at home, Jared sleeps the rest of the day while Jensen cleans and makes some soup for when he wakes up. The chemo makes Jared’s mouth so sore that eating is painful, so soup and jello are just about the only foods he’ll eat. When he finally takes a break, he checks on Jared to make sure he’s still breathing (and God, what happens if he _does_ stop breathing?) and sits down on the sofa.

He’s just gotten comfortable when his phone rings. It’s Jared’s mom, and Jensen spends the next hour filling her in and reassuring her. Yes, he’s doing okay. Yes, he’s eating as much as he can. No, he still doesn’t want you to come see him.

Jared has been adamant about that from the beginning. He was crushed when he found out the tabloids had published pictures of him in his worst state. He doesn’t want anyone seeing him this way, let alone his parents. If he doesn’t make it through this, he doesn’t want them to remember him as sick and weak. He wants them to remember him like he used to be—successful and independent and strong.

When Jensen finally hangs up the phone he’s exhausted, but he hears Jared stirring in the bedroom and knows he should go check on him soon, get him up and help him eat something. It’s what he does. For some twisted reason, everyone he loves gets sick and he’s left to pick up the pieces and put them back together as much as he can. Only it’s never really enough, is it? What if they do all they can and Jared doesn’t make it through this?

What if he loses his best friend the same way he lost his mom?

\---

After a few days home from the hospital, Jared is feeling well enough to try going out of the house. He’s wearing a mask to help reduce the risk of catching an infection, and his head is covered by a beanie his mom sent him in a care package a few weeks ago.

“All set?” Jensen asks. Since Jared is feeling good today, Jensen plans to make it a good one. First stop: going to that hamburger joint they never got to go to after they left the hospital right after Jared was diagnosed.

“Yeah,” Jared says, voice muffled behind his mask. “Let’s go.”

At the restaurant, Jared is quiet. He picks at his hamburger for the most part, but by the time Jensen has finished his burger, fries, and shake, Jared’s managed to eat almost half of his burger, which Jensen counts as a win in his book.

“Nothing tastes the same,” Jared says. “The chemo, it makes everything taste bad.”

Jensen looks at Jared but doesn’t say anything. This is the first time Jared’s really talked about his cancer and there’s no way Jensen’s going to ruin the moment by saying something stupid.

“I feel so bad all the time, Jensen. I can feel myself wasting away and I—I know it’s hard for you because of what you went through with your mom and I try not to complain but I…” Jared’s voice trails off. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“Jared, it’s okay. I get it,” Jensen says. “You don’t have to worry about me. All you have to do is focus on is getting through treatment.”

“Ten more cycles of chemo, radiation, a stem cell transplant, and I still only have a 30 percent chance of beating this.” Jared looks at Jensen intensely. “What if I don’t want to do it anymore?”

“No one wants to have cancer, Jared,” Jensen replies. “No one wants to go through chemo. You’ve just got to stay strong. You can get through this.”

Jared looks down. “No, you’re not hearing me. What if I don’t want to do _this_ anymore?”

And suddenly it hits Jensen. “What are you saying?” he asks, unable to hide the shock from his face. “You want to stop treatment?”

Jared is quiet for a moment. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Yeah I think I do.”

Jensen opens his mouth to say something—what, he doesn’t know—but suddenly his stomach lurches and all he says is “I think I’m going to be sick.” and this time it’s him running off to the bathroom.

\---

The next time Jensen talks to Jared’s mom, it’s because he’s called her in a panic. Jared still has his mind set on stopping treatment, and with less than 48 hours until his next chemo appointment, Jensen has run out of ideas on how to convince him to go, that it’s not over yet, that he can still get better. But no matter how much he tries, Jared’s lost his spirit. Jensen can’t just sit by and watch him give up so he does the only thing he can think of: he breaks and calls his mom. He tells her everything and before he’s even hung up the phone she’s already on her way to the airport. Apparently she was already planning to visit, booked a ticket days ago despite all of Jared’s protests.

Jensen hasn’t felt so relieved in weeks.

\---

Jared’s relationship with his parents is strained at best. Jared’s dad was an abusive alcoholic who liked to beat the hell out of his kids when he was drunk. His mom always did her best to protect her kids, but she’d always stayed, always defended him even as she was cleaning up their bruises and cuts. _If you’d just do what he says, you won’t make him so angry._ Jensen can only imagine a 5-year-old Jared trying to contain all of his energy so his dad wouldn’t get angry. The minute Jared turned 18 he got on a plane and landed in LA with all of his belongings fitting into the backpack on his back. He hadn’t been home since, and while he does call home on holidays and birthdays, he hasn’t seen either of his parents in almost 10 years.

All of this is turning over in Jensen’s head as he sits on the front steps, impatiently waiting for Jared’s mom to arrive. He hasn’t told Jared she’s coming and to say he’s nervous about how this is all going to go would be a vast understatement.

Twenty minutes later he sees a cab coming down the street and his heartbeat speeds up. The car rolls to a stop right in front of him and he stands, wringing his hands anxiously as he goes to open the door. Seconds later, he’s greeted with a big hug.

“Good to see you, Mrs. Padalecki,” Jensen says.

“Oh please, call me Sherri.”

Jensen gives a small smile before motioning to the house. “Shall we?”

“Yes, yes of course.” Sherri runs her hands over a few wrinkles in her shirt, fusses at her hair a bit. “Do I look okay?” She’s nervous too. This is a big deal for all of them.

“You look great,” Jensen reassures, grabbing her bag for her and heading up the steps. The walk to the front door is way too short. He’s not sure he’s ready for this. He has no idea how Jared is going to react to seeing his mom, if he’s going to be angry or upset or relieved. When they finally reach the front door, Jensen pauses, turns to Sherri. “Are we sure about this?” he asks.

“What other choice do we have?” Sherri responds, and it’s a good point. It may be risky, but it’s all they got and they’ve got to do _something_.

Jared is in the living room watching TV when Jensen opens the door. Jensen closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Jared,” he says, “There’s someone here to see you.” His hands are clammy and the tension in the room is suffocating. This is either going to make them or break them.

“Oh yeah?” Jared says, turning to see who it is. Jensen steps aside and Jared takes one glance at his mother and he’s on his feet so fast he has to grab the arm of the couch and hold on as his vision greys for a moment.

“Jared, honey, it’s so good to see you,” she tries, taking a step forward with her arms open. She hasn’t seen him in so long and all she wants to do is wrap him in her arms and be the mother she failed to be all those years ago.

Jared’s breathing picks up and he defensively takes a step back. “Please leave.”

For all of his childlike nature, Jensen has never seen Jared look younger than he does in this moment. He’s got his arms wrapped around his midsection, elbows and hips jagged beneath his baggy T-shirt and the look on his face makes Jensen’s heart shatter into a million pieces.

“I’m here to get you help, honey,” Sherri says and takes another step forward.

“I said go!” Jared shouts.

“Easy,” Jensen says calmly, walking towards Jared slowly. He’s breathing way too fast and he needs to slow down before he hyperventilates. “She just wants to talk.”

“You knew about this?” Jared says incredulously. “You—you knew she was coming and you didn’t tell me?”

“Jared listen, it’s not what you think.”

“It’s exactly what I think!” Jared snaps. “You called her because you want her to convince me to keep going with the chemo.” Jared has to pause to take in a few deep breaths, leans back down to support himself on the couch arm rest. “This isn’t fair.” His breathing is getting more labored now and Jensen is really worried he’s going to black out.

“Hey,” Jensen says, grabbing his arm and guiding him to sit back down on the couch. “Hey look at me.”

“Jensen I can’t breathe,” Jared manages, gripping at his chest.

“Good air in, bad air out. You can do it.” Jensen turns his head to Sherri and whispers, “Back room. Oxygen kit. Go.”

“This isn’t fucking fair,” Jared says again, watching through lidded eyes as Sherri emerges from the hall with the kit in hand and Jensen starts opening it. Next thing he knows his nose and mouth are being covered with the mask and his lungs are being flooded with precious oxygen. He closes his eyes. He just wants this all to go away.

“No Jared eyes open. Keep looking at me.” Jensen shakes him a little. He wants Jared to try and pull the mask off and say he’s fine like he usually does. He wants Jared to make a joke about how he looks with the oxygen mask on or make a quip about Jensen making a good nurse but he doesn’t. He just looks at Jensen, eyes a mixture of pain and sadness and Jensen sees that there’s no more fight left in him. Jared is giving up and all he can do is hold the mask to his face and keep him alert.

Jensen makes Jared keep the mask on until his oxygen level is back up. When he takes it off, Jared is barely keeping his eyes open. “I’m so tired.”

“I know, kid.” Jensen is already laying him down and covering him with the only blanket that Jared says doesn’t make his skin hurt. “Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

\---

About an hour after he fell asleep, Jared is back up and in the bathroom vomiting. He was having trouble breathing again so he’d put the oxygen mask back on. He wasn’t able to get it off in time when the latest round of nausea hit, which is why Jensen found himself in the kitchen cleaning it when there was a knock on the door. Sherri, who was just putting on a fresh pot of coffee, goes to answer it.

“Hey, uh, I’m looking for Jared.”

No fucking way. Jensen recognizes that voice all too well. Sherri steps aside and Jensen finds himself face to face with none other than Chad Michael Murray. Even on his best day, the kid was bad news.

“Jared’s not up for visitors right now,” Jensen says coldly. “You need to go.”

Chad holds up his hands. “Hey listen man, I wouldn’t just come by casually. He’s the one who called me.”

Jensen scoffs. “You’re full of shit. Get the hell out of my house.”

“He’s not lying.”

Everyone turns to see Jared propping himself up on the bathroom doorframe, pale and dripping with sweat. “I did call him,” he says between breaths. He turns to Chad. “My bag is in the back. Grab it for me, would you?”

Chad takes a step forward and Jensen puts one hand on his chest and pushes him back. “Jared what the hell is going on?”

“I called him.” Slow intake of breath. “To come get me.” Exhale. “I can’t.” Inhale. “Stay here.” He nods his head to point down the hall, and Chad looks at Jensen, takes a hesitant step forward before continuing down the hall to grab Jared’s bag. It’s the one that they keep packed for emergency hospital visits, and now it’s being used to escape this mess Jensen has made.

“You don’t have to do this, Jared.” Jensen’s voice has taken on a pleading tone. “Whatever you want we’ll do. Just don’t go. Please.”

Jared just shakes his head, and then Chad is helping Jared out and the door is closing shut and Jensen can do nothing but stand there in stunned silence.

\---

Jensen calls Chad every hour. He texts him every 10 minutes. He needs to know that Jared is okay and that he’s taking care of him. He needs him to talk to Jared and convince him to go to the hospital, but Chad is fucking useless and eventually stops responding, which is how Jensen found himself in his car and driving to his apartment.

He knocks. He calls. He knocks again. No answer. He’s there for an hour before he gives up.

Jared doesn’t want to see him, and there’s nothing he can do to fix it.


	4. Stage IV

JARED PADALECKI GIVEN JUST WEEKS TO LIVE

ESTRANGED MOTHER VISITS DYING SUPERNATURAL STAR

SUPERNATURAL STARS’ FURIOUS FUED 

Jensen stares holes in the latest tabloids as he buys his coffee, slaps a 5 on the counter and walks away in a daze. He hasn’t seen Jared since he stormed out two days ago, and despite leaving message after message on his phone and Chad’s, he hasn’t heard from them either. It’s almost time for his next round of chemo, and Jensen couldn’t just sit at home waiting anymore so he’d grabbed his keys and headed to the hospital in hopes that Jared had changed his mind and he’d see him there.

He walks into the hospital, takes the elevator up to the oncology floor. He scans the floor as he walks but there’s no sign of Jared anywhere, so he begins to make his way over to the nurses station.

“Hey Jensen,” a familiar voice says behind him, and Jensen turns around to see Jeanie, Jared’s favorite nurse, greeting him with a warm smile. “You here to see Jared?”

Jensen mouth drops open and the relief he feels is overwhelming. “He’s here? Jared’s here?” 

Jeanie gives him a confused look. “Yeah,” she says, “A friend—Chad, I think—brought him in last night. I thought you knew?”

Last night? Why didn’t he think to check here last night? “No I—” Jensen doesn’t have time to explain. He needs to see Jared. He needs to apologize and make sure that he’s okay. “How is he?”

Jeanie gives a small shake of her head and Jensen the relief he’d felt just moments ago is overcome with dread. “It uh, it doesn’t look good.”

“Tell me,” Jensen says. “Tell me how bad.”

Jeanie sighs. “Jensen...”

“Tell me. Please.” 

Jeanie takes a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. He’s anemic, feverish, and they had to drain a good amount of fluid from his lungs. His pulse ox was only 80 percent. He was pretty out of it when he came in, had no idea what was happening or where he was. Chad had to carry him.” 

Jensen rubs a hand over his mouth. “Fuck.”

“His heart is under a lot of strain from the chemo,” Jeanie continues, voice soft. “Dr. Miller is calling for a hold on his treatment. She doesn’t think his heart can handle it right now.” Jeanie squeezes his arm. “You should go see him. He’s back in isolation, but... I think you should see him.”

“Is this—is this it? They’re just going to stop the chemo and let him die?” Jensen can feel his voice raising but he doesn’t care. His worst nightmare is about to come true.

“We’re doing everything we can, Jensen. There’s still a chance he could pull through this, but...”

“But what?” 

Jeanie takes a deep breath. “But you need to prepare for the worst. It might be time to start saying your goodbyes.”

\---

Jensen has just finished washing his hands and putting on his isolation room gown and mask when it happens. Machines start blaring and everyone starts running and suddenly Jensen feels like he’s underwater, like all the sounds around him are low and muffled and he can’t breathe or move fast enough. He was _so close_ to being with Jared again, and now he’s stuck watching as he’s swarmed with doctors and receiving chest compressions and rounds of Epi.

He’s stuck watching as the doctors pause compressions only to stand back and still see a flatline on the monitor.

He’s stuck watching as Jared dies right in front of his eyes.

Something inside Jensen snaps and he loses all control. “Let me in! I need to see him!” He’s shouting and pushing but there are people all around him holding him back, shouting right back at him but Jensen has no idea what they’re saying. All that matters is getting to Jared. “Let go! I need to see him!” 

He feels his elbow connect with something and a rush of liquid on his sleeve and suddenly he’s being let go and he’s running running running and he’s at Jared’s bed and he’s still flatlining and all he can do is beg _please please please don’t die not now please please please._

“Continue compressions!”

“Another round of epi.”

“Hold compressions.”

“Everyone step back!”

“We’ve got a pulse.”

\---

“Hey Jensen. It’s me, Danneel. But you probably already knew that because you live in the 21st century... Um anyway, just wanted to say that I’m here if you need anything. I heard about Jared and I… Just know that I’m here, okay? Hope to hear from you soon. Bye.”

“Jensen! Hey! It’s Christian. Call me back, dude. We’re all worried about you.” 

“Jensen hey it’s Josh. Just calling to say hey. Hope you’re doing okay. We’d love to hear from you.”

“Hi son, it’s your dad. Haven’t heard from you for a while. Give me a call when you get this. Love you, son.” 

Jensen has 57 unlistened to voicemails. They all say the same thing and he’s tempted to just delete them all, but he’d rather listen to them than the rhythmic _swoosh_ of the ventilator machine currently breathing for Jared. He’s been hooked up to the machine for a week now, and by some miracle the doctors say he’s getting better. They may even be able to take the tube out soon.

Dr. Miller has come in and talked to him about hospice care. “We’re running out of options here, Jensen,” she’d said in that same tone he remembers the doctors having when they talked about taking his mom off life support.

But Jensen had been adamant that this wasn’t the end. “He’s got more fight left in him. We can’t give up yet.”

That had been five days ago, and to all of their surprise, Jared had shown significant improvement since then. Jensen is hopeful, but part of him can’t help but feel guilty. The last they’d talked about it, Jared was still insisting on stopping treatment. What if he was just being selfish and making Jared suffer? What if Jared does want hospice?

Jensen takes a deep breath and rubs his temples and prays that Jared will pull through this.

\--- 

Their real miracle comes in the form of a phase II clinical trial. Dr. Miller and the social workers and the cancer psychologists somehow got through to Jared, and after he’d been weaned off the ventilator he agreed to give it one last shot.

Dr. Miller completely reworked his treatment plan, and after six weeks of inpatient therapy on the new drug, Jared is back out of isolation and on his feet again. He’s taking a walk down the hall with Jeanie when Jensen arrives with two cups of coffee in hand. Jensen can’t help but smile at the sight of Jared up and walking again.

“Hey,” he says warmly. “Was almost forgetting just how tall you are.” 

Jared chuckles a little. Things have been still been a little tense between the two of them, but Jared still lets Jensen visit him and for that, he’s grateful. 

“Behave you two,” Jeanie says before heading back to finish her rounds.

“Is it okay if I walk with you?” Jensen asks.

“Yeah, sure.” Jared motions to the second cup of coffee in Jensen’s hand. “That for me?”

“Oh uh yeah.” Jensen extends it out to Jared but he doesn’t take it.

“Mind carrying it for me? Still trying to manage pushing this thing and walking at the same time.” Jared taps the IV pole. “It’s heavier than it looks,” he says, giving a small smile. 

Jensen walks by Jared as they slowly make their way back down the hall. Once inside Jared’s room, Jensen sets the coffee down on the table by his bed but doesn’t sit down. Instead, he stands by the door and watches as Jared gingerly lowers himself onto the edge of his bed.

“You can sit down, you know,” Jared says a little breathlessly. He shifts and slowly brings his legs up onto the mattress, crosses them as he sits up. “I don’t blame you,” he says suddenly.

Jensen has just sat down and Jared’s words take him by surprise. It’s a conversation they’ve been needing to have, but Jared’s just been so sick and Jensen never felt right bringing it up. Even now, Jensen stays quiet and lets Jared speak.

“I was scared. Terrified, actually. And it started to feel like the chemo was killing me more than the cancer.” He looks down at his hands, takes in his discolored nails. “Saying no to the treatment felt like taking back control. If I was going to die anyway, I wanted it to be on my terms.”

“I get it, Jared. I do,” Jensen says. “I shouldn’t have pushed so hard and inviting your mom in without telling you was way out of line. I’m sorry.”

“One night I came home late after basketball practice and my dad was completely wasted. And he was mad. About what I don’t know, but he gave me the worst beating I’ve ever had. My mom heard all the commotion and came running down the stairs to see what was going on.” Jared looks at Jensen. “You know what she told me? Just take it. The sooner I let him work out his anger, the sooner it’d be over.”

“Jared I...” Jensen trails off. “I don’t even know what to say.” 

Jared gives him a sad smile. “I always promised myself I’d never ‘just take’ anything again. And seeing her here and knowing she was going to tell me to fight back just brought all of that back up and it made me so angry. My whole life she’d been telling me to just lie down and take it and now she was going to tell me to fight. And the worst part was, all I could think was for what?” Jared pauses, takes a moment to collect himself. He feels himself about to break but he needs to get this out. He needs Jensen to know how he feels. “Then after what happened at Chad’s and waking up to the doctors pulling a tube out of my throat and seeing that you were still there even after all I did to try and shut you out... It made me realize that I do have people in my life worth fighting for.”

“Fucking hell, Jared,” Jensen says. How could he have missed all of this? How could he have been so blind? “I had no idea…” 

Jared swallows, the tears he’s been holding back finally spilling over his cheeks. “I need you to know that I don’t blame you, and that I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me, and I’m sorry for hurting you.”

\--- 

Jared finishes his last round of the chemical trial in December. Radiation ends in February, and his stem cell transplant is set to be in March. If all goes to plan, he’ll be in remission by April. Thirty percent chance. It isn’t as much as they’d hoped when they started this whole rollercoaster, but it’s what they have, and they’re going to hold on to it until the very end. 

\--- 

They’re sitting on the couch watching ESPN when Jared gets the call. His cancer is officially in remission. A year and a half of hospital visits and needles and blood transfusions and isolation rooms and he’s officially beat cancer. A year and a half of not knowing if he would wake up the next day and he’s finally in the clear. 

Jared breaks down. He cries and he laughs and he’s never been overcome with so much emotion. 

“You did it,” Jensen says, wrapping him up in the tightest hug. “You fucking did it.” 

“Thirty percent chance, man,” is all Jared says. “Can you believe those odds?” 

“You’re a goddamn superhero,” Jensen responds, finally letting him go. “Now lets go celebrate.”

\--- 

STAR BEATS CANCER 

JARED PADALECKI BEATS ALL ODDS

FROM DEATH BED TO MIRACLE

Jensen sees the headlines as he buys morning coffee. Except he’s not at the stand across the street from the hospital, and he’s not about to go in and see Jared hooked up to machines, and he’s not livid at the fact that the paparazzi have invaded their privacy yet again.

Instead, he picks up a copy. On the cover is a photo of him and Jared grabbing lunch downtown. Jared’s hair is back and his face is filling in again and his skin has regained its color. He holds up the coffee to the cashier. “You see this?” he asks them. 

The woman behind the counter smiles, says “Yeah, I did. Congratulations.” 

“Damn right,” Jensen says. “Fuck cancer.”

The woman laughs. “Fuck cancer indeed.”


	5. Remission

The thing about cancer is that it doesn’t care who you are. It doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor or famous or living on the streets. Cancer is cancer and it has the power to completely destroy everything it touches and no amount of money or power or prestige can stop it. 

But it also brings people closer together, and even though it almost ended them, Jensen and Jared have never been more in sync with each other.

That’s not to say cancer hasn’t left its mark on their lives. Jared’s memory isn’t as good as it used to be (Chemo Brain, Jensen calls it) and he still finds himself getting tired or winded easily and there’s still a lifetime of follow up appointments, but he’s alive and he’s got the whole world in front of him. If this has taught him anything, it’s to never stop fighting for what you love.

Oh, and one more thing.

Fuck cancer.

\---

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came as the result of a friend of mine's 1 year old son being diagnosed with neuroblastoma. I can't even begin to imagine what she's feeling as a parent right now. While I am not an export nor a cancer survivor myself, I have experienced watching family members go through chemo. I hope that you all find my portrayal of it in this story respectful and honest. I appreciate you all taking the time to read it!


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